Archive for December, 2010

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2011 patch notes *official*

December 31, 2010

After our dev team spent a whooping 1 hour drinking coffee and playing children’s card games, we decided to apply the following fixes in the current year. Note that there will be of course more bug fixes, buffs and nerfs upon the patch and we take note to only a small portion of it.

Version count : Updated from 2010 to 2011 to reflect changes.
Months count : Counter has been reset in order to track season progress in a proper manner, starting from April instead of January to reflect the weather conditions.

The following changes applied to Greece :

1: We detected politicians that actually didn’t stole money. This was clearly unintended and after some hard work and testing we apply a fix in this issue and we expect directly feedback in order to ensure their functionality.
2: Fixed a bug were police force on riots will use teargas. Added new vehicles : Zeppelin, mammoths and a black polar bear in their artillery.
3: Fixed a bug were people actually had a job. This created a lot of frustration and caused imbalances. Also, to ensure that the average Greek won’t have any money to wear a second pair of pants, we will apply direct buff to taxes.
4: The four is a lie.
5: It was reported that one bus was actually moving downtown Athens. Our team is still researching through this issue as it seems completely irrational for a bus to actually work.
6: Taxi drivers now became more rude to reflect the Greek reality.
7: People will theorycraft more instead of taking action because let’s be honest, you don’t need to take action, only sit on a couch knowing what to do without doing it.
8: Fixed an issue regarding Greek song artists could actually sing good. Now everyone and their dog can sing. We know you will listen and dance to it.
9: Fixed the default requirements to be considered geek. Now all you have to do is buy a mac.
10: Cigarette’s duration increased by 20 seconds.
11: Fixed a bug were being a good person actually matters. Now all you have to be is popular, rich or both. Come to think of it, that was always the case.
12: Although we felt that the following change was unnecessary in this version, we applied it : In 2010 we found out bugged citizens who actually went to vote. This was clearly a bug and therefore from this patch onwards nobody will go to vote. Instead, the leaders of the big political parties will gather once every 4 years, draw from sticks and the one who will draw the longest stick wins (also he will drive it down our asses, lucky us).
13: Patched an issue with some TV programs that were actually good and interesting.

Now for some profession-specific changes :

Developers:
1) Working hours increased by 10 to reflect the income decrease.
2) A developer needed to do design, tech support, baking cookies, ass kissing and if female, decent blowjobs in order to get paid. This was clearly overpowered according to reports and we added the following skills as well : Knitting, cat catching, chicken run, breast feeding the baby of their boss, turtle shaving.
3) Fixed a bug were a developer had actually free hours to be social and enjoy life.

Entrepreneurs:
After analyzing our resources and double-checked the results, entrepreneurship in Greece is being removed until further notice.

Global changes:
Justin Bieber is being removed! Just kidding.
Applied new skill to Germans : Golden goose (1 second cooldown, casting time instant). Effect : Crap golden eggs. No rectal pain involved.

P.S. : Happy new year! Also available in syrup. Come to think of it, this sounds funny only when you say it in Greek.

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